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Happiness is a decision

1/26/2015

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By Jane Boucher

"Let us read and let us dance; these two amusements that will never do any harm to the world.” Voltaire said it well.

In a world that is full of conflict, it is good to think about things that are pure and lovely.  Our thoughts control our world…both inside and out.   When we have challenges in our lives, we have two choices. We can focus on the challenge or we can surrender.   I choose peace and a merry heart. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” I am blessed to attend a relevant church. Dr. Stutzman’s sermons are timely and alive.   When asked how to be happy, he would say to 1. Laugh more, 2. Stress less, 3.Get some rest, 4. Find good friends, 5. Keep working, and 6. Stop worrying.

What makes you happy?  Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Hardwiring Happiness: The NewBrain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence, says we can rewire our brains for happiness by focusing on positive experiences and memories.   All it takes is a little practice.  He explains that the brain is shaped by what we focus on.  Think about one of your relationships.  Even if five good things happened with that person in one day, it is shadowed by the one negative experience that may have occurred.   That is why research shows that a good relationship needs a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative moments.  When something positive happens, we need to slow down and feel it!   Recently in one of my classes a student shared that he had terminal cancer and only months to live.  He has two young children and a beloved wife.

He told me a story about being in a restaurant and observing the family at the next table, a father
and his two young children.  They were not speaking to each other throughout the meal.  The
father was on his smart phone the entire time.  My student said he wanted to go over to that
table and tell the father, “Don’t you know how lucky you are? You can talk to your children,
watch their smiles and know their fears. I only have a few months left. What I would give to be
you!

Being happy is a discipline – it’s about focusing on the small things that move us – and
letting them sink in.  Dr. Hanson says we need to savor the positive experience for at least 10
consecutive seconds.  He also says we need to refuse to allow a negative experience to hijack
the positive experience.  It only takes three minutes a day to really take in the positive
experiences.  That’s only half a dozen times a day for less than half a minute.  If you want to be happy, research tells us: 1. Notice when life is good, 2. Have an attitude of gratitude, 3. Look for happy friends, 4. Be a giver, not a taker, 5. Know your purpose, and 6. Decide to be happy now.

Jane Boucher is a Master Business Coach and Certified Speaking Professional
Reach her at 937-416-9881 or jane@janeboucher.com.
www.janeboucher.com
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Your wheel of life:  the spokes support the rim

8/20/2014

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Part 1 - Balancing the Financial, Personal and Social Spokes
By Jane Boucher

If one of the spokes in your "wheel of life" is weak or missing, the ride is much more difficult. It takes a conscious effort to devote equal time to each of the "spokes." If you are unable to devote equal time, your life gets out of balance, which can result in confusion and chaos. Consider the first three primary areas that influence your "wheel of life:"

Financial / Career

In most cases, you have little control over the hours you spend working and commuting. Try to plan your activities with you’re your own wheel of life in mind. Focus on the areas of your life where you do have some control and flexibility. Don't let your job overshadow your time with your spouse and children. Don't allow your career to rob you of your emotional and physical health. Ask yourself the following questions:
 Does your job give you a sense of purpose?
 Do you feel that you are accomplishing something?
 Do you feel that your life has an impact?
 Does your job give you a sense of belonging?
 Does your job give you the opportunity to be recognized and appreciated?
 Does your job maximize your potential?
 Do you earn less than you could somewhere else, but your current job offers you a greater quality of life?

Personal

How do you know what you really want out of life? Most people are so busy that they don't take time to think about how they want to spend the rest of their life. Consider these ideas for a happier, healthier mental attitude:
 Be flexible.
 Tolerate frustration and uncertainty.
 Overcome your past, try not to be overwhelmed by the present and don't fear the future.
 Be open-minded and non-judgmental.
 Be willing to learn from others.
 Challenge traditional ways of doing things.
 Make decisions without being overly influenced by others.
 Be sensitive, empathetic, and aware of other people's thoughts, feelings and needs.

Social

The social part of the wheel of life has to do with your social conscience. What are you willing to give back to society and expect nothing in return? Are you associated with a cause or a group? Are you involved with your church, synagogue or temple? Do you support a political or human rights agenda? Have you taken time out of your busy schedule to help someone less fortunate than you? It's easy to feel sorry for yourself in today's crazy world. There is never enough time and always too much to do. One way to take your mind of off yourself is to find someone who is less fortunate than you are and help that person. If you don't feel grateful for what you have, find someone who has less - you'll be cured, right away.

Next month - Your Wheel of Life: The Spokes Support the Rim
Part 2 - Balancing the Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Spokes

Jane Boucher is a Master Business Coach and Certified Speaking Professional
Reach her at 937-416-9881 or jane@janeboucher.com.
www.janeboucher.com


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